In the course “Dynamics of Individual Differences“, students write a blog post on a topic of their interest. Giulia Gasbarro shared her blog post with us, enjoy the read!
“I can’t wait to be an adult.” It’s probably a sentence every adolescent has uttered at least once. After all, what’s not to love about the idea of becoming an adult? Everything feels exciting: New possibilities, new friends, new passions. But for some of us, entering adulthood feels like a battlefield. It’s difficult to commit to just one life direction, what if there’s a better one out there? The stakes feel impossibly high. It’s not just about finding possibilities: It’s about finding the best possibilities. Not just any friends, the best friends. What is my meaning in life? I must find the perfect meaning.
If these thoughts resonate with you, let me gently say this: You, my friend, are most likely a perfectionist. This might be affecting your life more than you think. Let’s talk about it.
What is perfectionism?
Let’s have a perfectionist anonymous meeting. I’ll start: “Hi everyone, I’m Giulia, I’m 25 and I’m a perfectionist. I set high standards for myself that I strive to realize flawlessly. I battle with self-criticism, fear of failure, and the tendency to evaluate my self-worth based on the achievement of my unrealistic standards”. This, as it turns out, is a textbook definition of this personality characteristic (Flett & Hewitt, 2019). Statistically speaking, I know I’m not alone. Research shows that younger adults have become increasingly perfectionistic in the past few decades (Curran & Hill, 2019). In today’s competitive society, it’s all too easy for young people to set higher expectations for themselves, demand more from others, and feel like others are constantly expecting more from them.
Good news first: Striving for perfection is not necessarily a negative thing (Stoeber & Otto, 2006)! In fact, perfectionistic strivings (the drive to set high goals, maintain persistence, and find fulfillment in achieving standards) can push you to become your best self, by encouraging pursuit of excellence, self-improvement and leading to positive achievement-related behaviors. Sounds great, right?! Case closed? Not so fast!
Before you click off this blogpost, let me be the bearer of some bad news too: Perfectionism also has a well-documented and widespread dark side. Psychology has shown that perfectionist concerns, such as fear of failure and self-criticism, can have serious negative effects on well-being (Stoeber & Otto, 2006). Perfectionists think and behave in ways that make them more vulnerable to stress, negative emotions, less effective problem-solving strategies, rumination, and even mental illness (Dunkley et al., 2003; Flett et al., 2002; Hummel et al., 2023; Sassaroli et al., 2008). Perfectionism impacts daily life, but it also goes far beyond a minor morning meltdown over which shoes best match your outfit. Perfectionist concerns can impact your ability to self-develop.
Entering adulthood, you are forced to “figure things out”. Emerging adulthood, the life stage between 18 and 25, is when you start to reflect on who you are, what is important to you, and where you want your life to be directed towards (Arnett, 1997). Research shows that perfectionism influences both career stress and indecision among college students (Kang et al., 2020). Some perfectionistic individuals might experience difficulties developing stable relationships (Sherry et al., 2016). On a deeper level, negative perfectionist traits can also hinder the development of a stable identity, leading to uncertainty and confusion about who you are (Luyckx et al.,2008). As if gaining clarity in the previously mentioned areas wasn’t challenging enough, young adults also face the critical developmental task of finding “Meaning in Life”. But what exactly does “meaning” mean?
What is Meaning in Life?
When people hear the term Meaning in Life, they might think of high school philosophy class or deep late-night conversations with friends. Yet, psychology has also recognised its importance and has jumped on the topic. Simply put, there are three key elements to a meaningful life: Feeling that life makes sense (coherence), having meaningful goals and direction (purpose), and believing that your life matters (significance; Martela & Steger, 2016). For example:
A college student’s decision to study medicine might align with their desire to help others (coherence), motivate them to work towards their dream job (purpose), and find value in knowing their future work will save lives (significance).
Research indicates that Meaning in Life is linked to numerous well-being benefits, including positive emotions, reduced mental health symptoms, and more positive relationships (Garcia-Alandete, 2015; Machell et al., 2014; Sørensen et al., 2018).
Meaning-making is a life-long journey: While life itself is not meaningless, we, as humans, are born without inherent meaning. Younger individuals, such as young adults, typically report lower levels of meaning in life compared to older adults (Krause & Rainville, 2020). That is totally normal: How can we expect someone who still calls their mom to ask what laundry setting to use to have a deeper understanding of life’s bigger picture? On the other hand, younger individuals report high levels of search for meaning (Steger et al., 2009). However, this search is not always easy: In fact, searching for meaning is often linked to lower well-being, life satisfaction, and happiness (Park et al., 2010). This happens because people typically begin searching for meaning when their current sense of meaning is low, creating a gap between where they are and where they want to be (Steger et al., 2008).
The challenge, however, is that research shows that searching for meaning doesn’t always lead to actually finding or experiencing it (Steger et al., 2008).While studies on what makes this search more or less successful are scarce, there is some evidence suggesting one possible offender.
How does perfectionism impact your quest for meaning?
Perfectionism can create obstacles on your path to discover meaning. Research has reported perfectionist concerns to be related to low presence and high search for meaning (Park & Jeong, 2016). Perfectionists frequently find it challenging to maintain a sense of meaning, as they are often dissatisfied with themselves and their life (Frost et al., 1990). In fact, perfectionist concerns drive individuals toward catastrophic thinking (Graham et al., 2010). In simple terms, perfectionists are more likely to view life events negatively compared to others, often becoming fixated on past perceived failures and struggling to move on. This pessimistic perspective might make it difficult to find life meaningful.
Therefore, dissatisfied from their current meaningless status, perfectionists might keep searching for meaning in life (Park & Jeong, 2016). However, this search might not be very successful. In general, chasing “perfection”, a concept that is difficult to define and impossible to achieve, as a life purpose will inevitably lead to frustration and a lack of meaning. Moreover, this search may be influenced by perfectionists’ tendencies toward worry and rumination, as described by perfectionism cognition theory (Xie et al., 2019). These thinking patterns, as theorized by Piotrowski (2019) in the context of identity formation, could create a cycle of indecisiveness and avoidance.
On one hand, individuals might delve into excessive self-reflection in an effort to avoid mistakes and live up to their high standards. This self-exploration is, however, paired with a sprinkle of hesitation and a gallon of overthinking, preventing any meaningful decision-making. Perfectionists might overanalyze every potential path to fulfillment, questioning whether it’s the “right” one, and become paralyzed by fear of choosing incorrectly.
On the other hand, since perfectionists fear the guilt and shame that might come from potential future failures (Stoeber et al., 2008), they might limit their self-exploration and development experiences altogether. To avoid repeating past mistakes, they might stick to familiar and repetitive routines, which might limit opportunities for meaningful experiences and growth (Graham et al., 2010). This combination might leave them stuck in an exploration phase with rumination in the driver’s seat, unable to take meaningful steps toward discovering or embracing their purpose.
On the bright side: The positive side of perfectionism
This might all sound grim and overwhelming. But before my perfectionist readers start spiraling, let me hit the brakes on that worry bus. Let me reiterate a previously mentioned point: Perfectionists come in different shades and sizes! Read the following snippets and see if you can spot the differences.
Perfectionist A:
Giulia is always stressed about making mistakes on assignments and constantly doubts the quality of her work. This leaves her feeling discouraged and frustrated when her performance doesn’t live up to her high expectations. Giulia has a hard time accepting her mistakes, and her fear of failure often makes her feel anxious and completely drained.
Perfectionist B:
Emily sets high standards for herself in her studies and aims to get top grades. When she achieves her goals, she feels proud of her hard work and enjoys a sense of accomplishment. Even when she makes mistakes, she sees them as chances to learn and stays motivated to keep improving.
These examples portray the two main dimensions of perfectionism: Perfectionistic concerns and personal strivings (Stoeber and Otto, 2006). This blog post has focused on individuals like Giulia, addressing perfectionistic concerns which, while common, are often maladaptive. On the other hand, perfectionists like Emily might have completely different experiences. Research suggests that while individuals with high perfectionistic concerns may struggle to find and experience meaning in life, those with high perfectionistic strivings often report a greater sense of meaning (Suh et al., 2017). Striving perfectionists, unlike maladaptive ones, are driven by personal ambition rather than fear of external judgement. Consequently, pursuing personally valued goals might be the key for adaptive perfectionists to experience meaningfulness in life. Therefore perfectionism is not always bad! For a more complete deepdive on the topic, stay tuned for a future blogpost about thriving with perfectionism.
Approaching a stress-free and less perfectionistic journey toward meaning
You might be thinking, “I am a Giulia, not an Emily. Am I doomed to a meaningless life?” Take a deep breath and set aside the existential dread. Do not give up on finding meaning. Take it from me (THE Giulia illustrated in the example): It is possible to manage perfectionistic concerns and pave a smoother path towards meaning.
How? Let me leave you with some final tips that have helped me along my own meaning journey as a recovering perfectionist:
Be kind to yourself!
Research suggests that increasing self-compassion not only increases well-being but also reduces maladaptive perfectionistic tendencies (Birni & Satıcı, 2023). Additionally, self-compassion plays a crucial role in cultivating a sense of meaning in life, as it helps individuals regulate their emotions, navigate challenges with confidence, gain clarity, and develop a stronger sense of purpose (Suh & Chong, 2021). Therefore, in your search for meaning, try to be kind to yourself when you experience setbacks and uncertainty.
Keep in mind: Meaning-making is not a competition.
Despite what your perfectionist brain might be telling you, there is no “best ultimate meaning”. Meaning in life can be derived from various sources: Family, friends, career, spirituality, hobbies, personal development, and many more (Delle Fave et al., 2013). Furthermore, people can also have multiple sources of meaning at the same time! Approach your search with openness rather than stress.
Don’t put pressure on yourself, there is no need to make life-long commitments.
Meanings can change throughout the lifespan. For example, while your peers might find meaning in their 5-years career plans, your grandparents might derive greater fulfillment from close personal relationships (Karwetzky et al., 2021). Life meanings evolve just as much as life itself, so there’s no need to pressure yourself to have it all figured out right now. Embrace the journey instead of striving for a perfectly defined purpose.
In conclusion
Searching and finding meaning are important developmental processes happening in emerging adulthood. However, existing research suggests that maladaptive perfectionism can push young individuals into existential crises so intense they might rival those of Greek philosophers. That said, this area of research remains relatively underexplored, highlighting the need for future studies to better understand this connection. Given the negative outcomes associated with perfectionism and a lack of meaning in life, this field deserves the same development, growth, and exploration that younger adults experience during their own journeys.
Author: Giulia Gasbarro
References
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